I’ve never known what anxiety really was… Until a couple of years ago, after going to a therapy appointment. I was dealing with it and didn’t know. I knew people had it, I knew it caused attacks. I just didn’t understand it. And I got through it.

The last time I went to therapy was because I wanted children so bad and I couldn’t keep it together. Woman all around me and close to me were having babies. So many. I had just gone through a divorce a year or two before and was with the man I couldn’t believe I had found. Jay. We were such a good match. We had both been through not so great relationships, we didn’t regret anything. We just learned from them. We learned how to be better partners and we learned for sure what we didn’t want in a partner. We learned that communication should be easy, not hard. We found each other. And we are thankful for that every day of our lives ❤️. We did fertility treatments with IUI for almost 9 months. To no avail. 😞

Back to anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

Well, guess who is experiencing anxiety. Yes, me. I know I shouldn’t be. I’ve been to plenty of therapy. I’ve read books on how to keep it away. I’m thankful for everything in my life. I know I have worked very hard for everything I have and cannot be more happy with it. However, I’ve only had one outcome with the past fertility treatments. And it is consuming me right now.

I start this process on Friday. Don’t get me wrong. I am so excited. I cannot wait. Jay is excited as well, and a little worried. We have a lot invested in this. We didn’t just have twenty something thousand dollars lying around. It’s a lot.

I contacted a therapist yesterday that came up in a search for an infertility specialist. I haven’t heard back yet. If she doesn’t respond today I’ll search again. I probably should have done this weeks ago, but I thought I could handle it better. I know this anxiety isn’t good for my body and I wish I could stop it. But it is affecting my work, my body (I keep getting sick), and my home life. We talk about it together, and Jay is supportive with what ever I need to do.

I didn’t know what I was going to write in this post. Until yesterday. I wasn’t going to write it. But, the reason we are doing this blog is because we want to share our journey. Good and bad. If we can help one person, or one couple, it would be worth it. If not, it is helping us.

Anxiety is a real issue. If you have it, please seek help. Do not be afraid. I didn’t understand the difference between anxiety and depression a few years ago. I know now, and I am better for it. I don’t believe in medicine for me. But, that’s because I don’t have it as bad as other people. I don’t have anxiety attack’s and I don’t discard them. It’s a real thing.

So, wish us luck 💕. I will take care of myself-and will probably do more of a weekly update from now on because, it is on….. 😃 I start my appointments this Friday and the injections on Sunday.

Thank you for reading and sending your positive thoughts and prayers. We need them! We appreciate all of you so much!

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