Welcome home Emi

We finally brought our little girl home!
After 77 days in the NICU Emi came home!

We couldn’t be happier! We are thankful for the care Emi received in the NICU, we also built relationships with some great nurses too. Emi is so blessed to have so many who love her!

We brought her home on April 20th. She weighed 5 lbs 6 oz when we left and she is now over 6 lbs. I’ve been wanting to post since then. But, not sure if anyone knows this or not, babies wake up all hours of the day and night. 😂 lol. So I’ve been a little sleep deprived. No complaints about it tho! Every minute with her is such a blessing. I can watch her sleep and stare at her all day. 🥰

I wanted to write so much more, but I can’t think right now (😜) and I wanted to share this with you all and some pics of her!!

Its everything we hoped and dreamed of! ❤️🤱🍼🏡🥰💕

We love and appreciate you all!!

Emalyn Rose Butler

I can’t believe it has been a month since I’ve posted. Emi is doing so well and has grown so much since the last update.
On Monday she will be 10 weeks old. As of today (Saturday, 4/11) she is 4 lbs. 14 oz. and about 15” long. They will measure her again tomorrow night. She has been getting eye exams these past few weeks and her eyes have not been mature yet until today’s exam! No more strenuous eye exams for this tiny girl ! Such exciting news.
The requirements for her to come home are: -No events for 7 days (stops breathing for more than 15-20 seconds which makes her heart rate drop). -No desats for 5 days (where her oxygen saturation in her blood drops for more than 20 seconds).
-can eat from a bottle and/or breast for 2 days in a row. -Can hold her temperature on her own. -Is gaining weight on a regular basis.
-Can pass the car seat test (sits in her car seat for 90 minutes hooked up to all her monitors and doesn’t have an event or desat the entire time)
She hasn’t had an event since 4/7, she does still desat daily. She will grow out of that, soon we hope. She already holds her own temperature perfectly, she is eating by bottle/breast 60% of the time already. And she has been gaining weight like a champ.
Her due date isn’t until May 15th so technically she could be in here until around that time, however by the way she is going we are hoping within the next couple of weeks we will be bringing our sweet little princess home! 🏡🙏🤞

This is such a crazy time in our world right now. A time that we will never forget, regarding coronavirus/COVID-19!! I mean it really puts things in perspective. I think we will all come out with a new definition of normal. Emi will always know when this happened because it was right after she was born and while she was in the NICU. We want to thank all of those putting their lives on the line to work and save other lives. Thank you thank you thank you. And to the rest of us, we will get through this soon and be stronger, more appreciative people. (I hope so, at least!)

Of course, I think about baby Jay every single day. Wishing I could change the outcome. Wishing they could’ve stayed in me longer. Wishing our little boy was still here. I know I can’t wish things back, or bring him back. I wonder why. Why did this happen, is there a reason?! So many questions. And then I think, some people don’t ever get to see their unborn child. Some people don’t even get to see a positive pregnancy test. Some people still have it worse. I will never lose thought of those agonizing years of not being able to get pregnant. Of thinking I would never be a mom. I am so thankful that we got to at least meet our son, and spend 11 days with him. Those days we will never forget. He looked just like a tiny Jay, just like his Daddy. He really deserved to be named after him. We will cherish the memories we had with him.

Miss Emi, she is a little spitfire. She is a princess. She has the cutest personality already. She is so loved by all the nurses and staff in the NICU. We are so thankful that she is well taken care is when we are not there. It’s hard every minute that I am not there, but knowing she has the best caregivers that really do love her makes it so much easier. We were both able to see her together in the beginning. But, once the coronavirus became a true pandemic, only one parent per day was allowed. It stinks, but we (NICU parents) are the only visitors allowed in the hospital. So, we are thankful. Daddy gives Mommy 6 day’s per week. It means the world to me. Soon enough she will be home with all of us !!
There have been so many ups and downs throughout this time with them being in the NICU. I’ve cried more than I ever have in my life these last 2 plus months. Good, sad and scared tears. They say to talk to someone else who has been through this, or who is going through this…. But, each child is different. There is no way to know the outcome of each child as they grow. You just have to have and keep faith that you will grow with each day that passes and come out stronger, no matter what happens. I have been told that there are no guarantees in life, and boy is that so true. I don’t like it, but it is reality.

Here are some photos of her that I know you all have been patiently waiting for. Please, message me if you have any questions. We are an open book. We’ve learned so much about love and loss in the last 2 months.
Be safe, wash your hands and don’t touch your face!

• 

• 

Broken hearts and pure joy

To say the least.
We have been so in love with our babies and then bam! A smack in the face!
Thank God for Emi! She is our bright eyed baby who is getting us through such an awful time.

We want to thank everyone for the prayers you were/are sending. Baby Jay just wasn’t ready for this world yet. We loved him every second of every day that he was here. He made it 11 days, because he was a fighter. The pneumonia just took over his poor tiny lungs.
It was a very heartbreaking Valentine’s Day. 💔 Our baby boy made it until 7pm that evening. He fought so hard.
All day long he was requiring some extra assistance from the nurses and doctor. He was on 100% oxygen. He was fighting so hard all day. Finally I asked the doctor to call Jay to update him because I just couldn’t. Jay left work (he works 2 1/2 hours away from the hospital) and headed our way. He didn’t make it to the hospital in time before our son took his last breath. Jay was devastated. Not only because he lost his son, but because he couldn’t be there with me. I will never forget that day.

Depression is real. Anxiety is real. I’m trying to ward away both but it is so hard. I think I’m staying away from the depression part but can’t stay away from the anxiety. We lost our baby boy and now have to wait for others to take care of our baby girl for months until we get to take care of her ourselves. Hoping and praying everything goes smoothly during the process.

When you watch your child’s heart rate go to zero and not come back….  there is just nothing to take that pain away and although it is still fresh, I don’t think I will ever forget that image and room full of people and all the  sounds that went with it. 

It has been a long road to get to be a parent. I wonder why this is happening to me, to us. I know there is a bigger picture out there, but damn. 

It definitely puts life in perspective of what is important and what is not any more. The things I/we thought were important before we don’t even know anymore because our life now is focusing on making sure our little girl stays healthy and strong so she can come home to us. 
**The above was written a couple of weeks ago. I/we are doing much better. The anxiety is no longer a problem.**

Although he was only here for a short time, we will make sure Emi knows about her brother and the love and joy he brought us!

Our sweet Emi is proving strong enough for both of them. She is growing every day, requiring very minimal oxygen and she is being a feisty little girl. Every nurse or doctor that has dealt with her literally uses the word feisty, because she lets them know when they are bothering her, and when she isn’t happy, lol.
She is 2 lbs. 5 oz. (as of 3/8/2020 am). She has been gaining an ounce a day for the last 5 or 6 days now. She is 13 3/4” long. She is weaning off of the oxygen and settings. Although she will still be on it for a while, she has been on a very low setting this past week.
She gets to “kangaroo care” with both of us. She loves her Mommy and Daddy snuggle times. We only get to hold her once per day. So I get her during the week and Jay gets to hold her on the weekends. It is the most special time for us right now. She is 5 weeks old. We cannot believe how quickly time has passed. She is so beautiful, even with all the tubes and wires, lol. She has a breathing tube and a feeding tube. We cherish every single smile she gives us. 🥰 We can not wait until they are actually on purpose. 💕 We can do hands on care right now, like changing her diaper, taking her temperature and cleaning her up when needed. I am pumping for her, she gets my breast milk in her feeding tube. The best thing I can do for her right now is pump, it’s hard work but worth every second.
The NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) has the best physicians and nurses working there. They are just amazing, we couldn’t be happier with their knowledge and professionalism.

We are going to wait to post any pictures of them online. If you want to see a picture you can send a text to Jay or I and we will share. Just no posting online please.
This post has been all over the place. I have been adding a little here and there over the last 3 weeks.
Thank you for reading and being patient. We appreciate all of you!

April, Jay & Emi
🥰❤️💕🙏🥰👧👼

Our Babies

Our babies were born yesterday, February 3rd, 2020 via emergency C-section. Contractions started Sunday morning and eased up with meds until very early, middle of the night, Monday morning. They got to be 5 minutes apart and an 8/10 pain level. I called Jay at 3:09am to let him know the Nurse was calling the doctor. I called him back at 3:18 to let him know I was getting prepped for the c-section.
Emalyn (Emi) Rose was born 1 lb 10 oz. at 4:24am and John Richard Jr (Baby Jay) was born 1 lb 14 oz. at 4:25am.
Jay made it to the hospital just in time. Emi was pulled out first and she was crying. Baby Jay was pulled out and they both were immediately met by the NICU team and taken care of. While Mama was being taken care of, Daddy got to go with the babies.
It all happened so fast and seemed surreal. I was in shock all day yesterday. My doctor did an amazing surgery and I am healing just fine!
Baby Jay had to get a breathing tube put down his throat. He was not ready to come out yet. Since Emi wasn’t surrounded by all of her fluid, she was already stressed, so she was able to handle the birth process easier. Sounds crazy, but whatever.
The doctors and NICU team were very impressed on how they were doing for being born at 25 weeks and 3 days. Music to our ears after the week we had.
This has been the scariest week and half for us. The emotions are all over the place. Jay has been amazing at dealing with home (our dogs) and coming to the hospital. He is here all the time. We are so thankful to everyone helping out with Remi and Levi!! Thank you so much!!! ❤️❤️

The outpouring of love, flowers, balloons, texts, messages, visits and phone calls have been so wonderful and appreciated. We truly thank you for loving all of us. The prayers, positive vibes and healthy healing love being sent has helped dramatically too! Our babies are doing so well. Baby Jay got his breathing tube taken out this morning and has kept it out all day.
They both are receiving oxygen which is expected and will for a long time. Their bilirubin levels were high enough where they needed a special light. Which is also normal.
Emi was sucking on a pacifier today while they were feeding her. She can suckle!! So exciting!! I got to hold the tiny syringe while she ate. So special 🥰❤️
I also got to help feed Baby Jay while he held onto my finger!! That was so special. It’s so hard not being able to hold them yet. But, little steps are going to be what gets us and them through the next few months.
Jay got to hold up Baby Jay after he was born. And cut his umbilical cord shorter. 🥰💕❤️ So so awesome.
We are so in love with our precious little angels! They are being taken care of by the best care team possible. Our faith is now with the NICU team taking care of them since they are not in me anymore.
I am learning how to pump breast milk (very little) right now so the babies can use it. It is very important for their growth. I will keep trying!
We know rest is important right now for my healing, but it hasn’t been easy. Adrenaline first and then pure exhaustion next. But this afternoon Jay and I came up from seeing the babies and laid down and slept for a good 4 hours. It was awesome.
Well, we know you are all helping however you can and have been waiting for an update. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!!! ❤️💗💙❤️
We also know these next few months will not be easy but it will be worth it! I know I will be spending my days next to my babies sides watching them grow until they are able to come home. Jay will be there as much as he can since one of us has to keep working.
I will update in a few days or so. If you call or text and don’t get a response, please don’t take it personal at all. It’s a very emotional time and sometimes I’m up for it and sometimes I’m not. I will get back to you though. I/we are fine. Promise! We are really strong partners and are taking care of each other. 💕❤️
We are not ready to share photos yet, but will in the next week or so.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts, Really!!
XOXO,

April, Jay, Emi and Jay Jr. 💕💗💙❤️👧👶

My water broke

Twenty four weeks pregnant and my water breaks. Nightmare!!
I was getting ready for bed Monday night and noticed excessive fluid when I went to the bathroom. I got up to let Jay know and it was running down my leg. I Googled it (I know) and it said as long as it is clear it is normal pregnancy discharge. So I put a panty liner on and went to bed. Got up 10 minutes later to pee again (which is frequent for me) and panty liner was dry. 10 more minutes went by, I was laying there and felt a gush and had to pee again. Panty liner completely soaked. So I called the dr. Waited for a call back. That was a long 5/6 minutes. She told me to go to the hospital.
I get Jay up and we head to Sarasota Memorial. He keeps me calm, tells me not to react until we know more. No point in freaking out for no reason.
I had a feeling it was my water breaking but never having been through this before I couldn’t be sure.
We get to the hospital and they check us in right away. It’s midnight now. They get us in a room check me and everything starts going in fast pace. They told me my water broke and I was dilated. Immediately they start calling for tests and an ultrasound and tell me I was being admitted and not leaving until I had the babies. Everything they were saying I understood. It wasn’t until we got to the room, only 20/30 minutes later that I realized Jay had no idea what was going on. He asked if I would be sent home in a day or so and they said “no, she is staying until these babies are born”. The look on his face. 😕

It was all happening so fast. They told us the first 24 hours are the most crucial because they needed to get me a steroid shot now and another in 24 hours. They didn’t want the babies to be born without both. It would help their lungs so much more. They also needed to get me hooked up to an iv to get me antibiotics and magnesium. The antibiotics were in case I get an infection since my water had already broke. And the magnesium was for their brains. The magnesium they told me would make me feel like I had the flu. Hot flashes, vision issues possibly, just feelings of awfulness.
They weren’t just saying that. That was tough. But I obviously didn’t care. I wanted/needed these babies to be strong, safe and healthy. They got me hooked up to that and the baby fetal monitors so they can trace the babies heart rates and then a catheter so I couldn’t get out of bed. I was inverted for about 8 hours. Talk about hell. My back and ribs hurt so bad. It was worth it. I had no choice. It didn’t matter my pain. I am the only person who can keep them safe right now. What ever it takes.

I did not get any sleep that night/morning. Jay got very little. We were just so worried. I needed them to stay in for 24 hours at least. That was my first goal. When the nurse that night was changing over shifts to the next nurse at 6am I heard her tell the new nurse that when I was admitted I was already 3 cm dilated. I couldn’t believe it. I’m glad they didn’t tell me that beforehand. I would have fainted.
All day Tuesday we were getting pumped with lots of information. The high risk dr came in and discussed what we were in for. She also said this just happens so not to try to think back on what I could have done to prevent it. Nothing. So get that worry out of your head. And of course that’s all I was thinking. I cried tears of thank you. Because of course I felt guilty.
The NICU nurse came in and let us know the chances of the babies were born today, or at 25 weeks or beyond. The 25 weeks and beyond of course were the best options. It was so much to take in. How did this happen so fast?! This was our new reality. But, we had no choice. We accepted everything she was telling us. Everyone was so amazing.
I didn’t sleep for 39 hours. It’s Tuesday evening. We’ve caught all the family up and Jay went home to check on the dogs and hopefully get some rest. I needed to try. I had just hung up the phone with one of my closest friends and she helped me mentally. I was so miserable, so hot (it was 70 degrees in my room), I didn’t know if I was going in to labor or getting ready to have a panic attack. I calmed down enough to say to myself, this is affecting my babies. I need to pull through. So I downloaded a lullaby app and hit play. It did calm me down but I noticed it calmed baby girl down too. Which, by the way, is whose amniotic sac that broke. I was able to fall asleep off and on and I turned the lullaby on each time I awoke. Of course the nurse had to come in multiple times to check on me and the babies. I probably got like 3 hours of sleep all night. But It felt much better!

I woke up at 1:30am to get that other steroid shot. We made it to 24 hours! What a relief!!! That probably helped me sleep a little more too.

When I woke up at 6:30am I felt so much better. When the nurse came in she said the babies traced all night. Which means they were able to track their heartbeats all night. They were doing so good. Like the water didn’t break at all. I was having a contraction about every hour since I was admitted. I had no idea until they told me. It didn’t hurt or feel like cramping like I have heard or read. It was tightening of the stomach basically. Which means they were mild. Thank God! When I woke up this morning I noticed the contractions weren’t happening every hour any more. They were tapering off. Thank God again! By the time the high risk dr came in to talk to me she told me everything was going so well they were going to stop the dreadful magnesium, take the catheter out (although I have to potty in a portable toilet right next to the bed) and only monitor the babies heart rates 6 times a day instead of constantly. They were so impressed with how well our amazing babes were doing. Hallelujah hallefreakinglujah!!
What a difference a day makes!
I did ask the nurse today how she was still hanging on without the amniotic fluid. Is she still in her sac? She said yes. She is constantly making new fluid by urinating (😱), I had no idea! So as long as I keep her hydrated she will be fine. What makes them be born are the contractions. So as long as they stay away and the babies stay stress free, we are good. Which means mama has to stay stress free too.
I felt the prayers And positive thoughts and all the love that was sent our way last night. And it was needed so bad and appreciated!!
This is my new home For what I hope to be many many weeks. And how many people hope to be in a hospital for many weeks?!?! Not my first choice, but We want the babies to be as strong as possible so they don’t have to spend much time in the NICU. Although, they will be in amazing hands if they do have to spend much time in there. Everyone here has been amazing! We are so blessed. And We know it.

This is not how I thought I’d spend the rest of my pregnancy, but it’s not in my hands. I did have a great 8 weeks of pregnancy bliss. I felt good and lived a happy pregnant life. But, Jay is and has been amazing. He is going through this too, but probably feeling like he wants to do more to protect me and his unborn children.
It’s not going to be easy but it’s going to be worth it.
These are my only goals right now.

17 weeks

I will be 17 weeks pregnant on Saturday. It is still so hard to believe! Every day my belly is growing, which only means they are growing! 🥰

I had a check up this past Tuesday and all was great. Heartbeats were strong, blood pressure is still good and my weight gain is good (7lbs). My doctor told me this is what a 22 week pregnancy looks like with a single baby. So all is good!

I have been feeling so great! Headaches here and there and tired. But I will take that all day long in exchange for our babies. ❤️
I have been the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. All of my worries and sadness that I’ve had for such a long time has disappeared. My outlook on life is completely different. It is such a great feeling. I am truly happy and blessed. WE are truly happy and blessed. All things happen for a reason. Jay and I came into each others lives at the perfect time and I wouldn’t change it, ever! We are so good together and cannot wait to be parents!

With all of you out there sending all you have been sending us and for us, there is no doubt in our mind our children have and will have so much love coming from every where! 😘❤️🙏

No more meds and only appointments once per month now. All is going great!
Here is a picture from this past Sunday. A little belly action going on.
As always thank you thank you thank you!!!

• 

First trimester ✔️

Hi! So much has gone right since the last post!

Saturday I will be entering my second trimester. All is perfect with the babies. We know which one is the boy and which one is the girl. They are growing as they should and doing so well!

I am no longer spotting and the nausea is easing up. Still hanging around, but no where near as bad as it was. I have been getting headaches frequently, but it is common, so I am dealing with it.

The doctor is no longer watching me like a hawk. Checking my blood pressure daily just to make sure it doesn’t elevate without us knowing. It has stayed low enough. No meds unless it starts to rise. 🙏🤞

I have graduated from my Fertility Doctor, and will be done my progesterone shots next Tuesday. I stopped all estrogen a couple of weeks ago. My body will be in control without help soon enough. Finally able to do what most women can do with no problems.

I am still having a hard time believing I have two babies growing inside my body. I have waited for this for so long it is crazy that it is finally happening! But, with every ultrasound and the growing belly, it is real !! Lol

We went to our ultrasound appointment this past Tuesday. The babies were moving around in there, it was so cool. She was curled up most of the time and he was stretched out and chilling. In love already!!

We made our official announcement after our ultrasound appointment on Tuesday. So, now everyone can know!! I was just talking with some friends about how much this blog has kept me/us positive and helped us get through this past year. It hasn’t been easy but it has been worth it. We have learned so much and have grown stronger together during all of it! Just another THANK YOU to all of you for helping us with prayers, thoughts, positive vibes, whatever you did, it worked! You are a part of this journey with us and we know we are blessed!

I’m not sure how much I will post since all is great and not much to update. I can post ultrasound pics when I get them and maybe a belly pic here and there. 😜

Again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

• 

• 

• 

10 weeks

We cannot believe we are 10 weeks pregnant with twins!!
It has been a long road! We are healthy and so very happy.
I had my first OB appointment last week and all looks perfect with the babies. They are growing as they should and their heartbeats look strong.
According to my pregnancy apps they now look like little tiny babies 👶 ! They looked like little aliens before 10 weeks. Lol

I have still been very nauseous and getting migraines. Spotting has lightened up A Lot!!
I am so tired during the day, but overall I am great. Now that I know I am pretty much in the clear, a lot of anxiety has lifted off of my shoulders. At this point there is less than a 5% chance of miscarriage. Which is amazing!

My OB said I still am high risk for certain things. I am sure one is my age, and another because I am carrying twins. He told me to take it easy for the next 3 weeks and check my blood pressure every day until my next appointment so he can see the readings. It was slightly elevated at my appointment. I told him it was because I was so nervous. I didn’t know if he would automatically put me on bed rest or no work and I was kind of worried. But, I have been monitoring my blood pressure daily and it has been low, not high. So we are pleased with that. He also wants me to watch my weight of course. I haven’t gained any yet. The fertility specialist told him I should see a MFM, which is a high risk obstetrician. I asked him what he thought. And he said at this point not yet. I am good with that.
We did do an ultrasound but I forgot to ask for a picture. 😐 It’s amazing how much they grow at this stage. So exciting!!

We are just getting the nursery ready now and staying healthy. I should say Jay is getting the nursery ready and I am staying healthy. Lol I love seeing how excited Jay is! I’ve focused on how much I have wanted this my whole life and now I get to see how much he has wanted it also! It makes my heart so happy! 🥰❤️

I am starting to show a little bit. Probably not from other people’s view, but my pants don’t want to button. Lol. I have to start trying on maternity pants now. I did not expect that this early. 🤰🏼

I will be 12 weeks at my next OB appointment. I am hoping the nausea will lighten up a ton and I hope to at least get a little energy boost at that point. 🤞 But, either way I will not complain because it is all worth it!
Thank you all for all of your support! It really did help us get to this point. ❤️😘🥰🙏🤰🏼💗💕😍

I’ll update after my next appointment and hopefully with an ultrasound picture. 😃👶👶

• 

Slight panic…

Hi! I was feeling pretty confident with how things were going compared to last week. I actually was going to work every day and feeling ok. Still have the all day/all night nausea, but that’s ok.

I was at work towards the end of the day on Tuesday and went to the bathroom. To my not so good surprise I was now bleeding. I immediately called the doctor, at first he told me to come in. And then he asked me some more questions. He said he did not think I was losing the babies. But, he wanted me to go home, drink plenty of fluids and rest. I would go see him at 8:30am the next morning.

Now, I had a slight panic attack over the weekend because my bosses, my husband and others were starting to get worried that I would be on bed rest for the entire pregnancy. I didn’t have that worry. I may have felt it for a few minutes as I was laying on the bathroom floor last week, when I was so sick! But, that was it, only for a few minutes.

So, after this incident on Tuesday I was really starting to panic. We are not prepared to go the entire pregnancy without my income. I tried to not think about it and just rested, drank plenty of fluids and went to bed so I could wake up and get checked out from my doctor. All while praying that nothing was wrong with my pregnancy so far!! 🙏

I went to my appointment and he did an exam and another ultrasound. Besides blood being in there, that has no where to go but out, everything else was perfect. The blood was from the movement and constant growing that is happening. He said nothing to worry about. Babies doubled in size in 1 week. They measure exactly what they are supposed to for 7 1/2 weeks along. And they both have perfect heart beats! 💕💗 156 bpm.

So, the doctor didn’t want me to work until my next doctors appointment, which is actually with my Obstetrician on October 15th. He asked me what I thought. I asked him if we could see how it goes after 1 week. If it’s still the same, I will take the 2nd week. But, if it’s better I would prefer to go to work. He agreed. He told me he didn’t want to me to be in bed for 6 hours a day but he also didn’t want me to be spring cleaning. So, I am trying to stay as busy as I can with no stress. 1-2 weeks off of work is better than no work for the entire pregnancy. 🤞🙏

I understand that I may be on bed rest at the end of my pregnancy because I am carrying 2 babies. But, hello, that is a long ways away!! Lol

He also told me that I need to start talking to the babies because they can now hear us. And he wants me to focus on the positive and happy things. That is super exciting. I’ve actually been talking to them since they were transferred into me. 😜 So, now I don’t have to feel awkward. Hahaha

So… All is good. I was so happy to have another ultrasound. I’ll take as many as I can get, so I get to see them.

Jay has been amazing! I know that’s not surprising for those of you that know him. And he is so excited. I love that part of us. Because we have both been waiting for this time in our lives for a very long time !

Until then….. 🥰🙏❤️😘😍💗💕🤰🏼🤞

Thank you Thank you Thank you

• 

•