So, I have researched the surrogacy thing. To be honest I didn’t know what to expect. I guess I didn’t really think about how it works. 

It works just like in vitro. It is in vitro. Just on someone else. 

I have someone, actually a couple of friends that have offered to be surrogates for us. For free.  Obviously, it’s not free. Because of the costs associated with the in vitro part and the medical expenses during the pregnancy. I am truly grateful for the friends who have offered this beautiful, amazing once in a lifetime opportunity to us. It is something I would never be able to repay, EVER!  

After researching surrogacy, it makes me want to try in vitro first?!  On me!  I mean, this is my dream to have a baby and if I don’t try now before it’s too late, I may always regret it. 

 

The reason I haven’t been able to become pregnant is because I don’t ovulate on my own, regularly. I have P.C.O.S. Polycystic ovary syndrome. I’ve tried some fertility treatments and have ovulated on them and feel like when it came time, it just didn’t implant.  With the help of in vitro and one of the worlds best fertility doctors maybe it is possible. I am willing to take that risk. Of course, it isn’t cheap. It costs a lot of money. $13,000-18,000 just for one cycle. Omg!  😮 that is a lot of money and risk!  And I am already 40 years old. 

Even if I did try with a surrogate, the doctor may think I am too old?  Too risky?  I don’t know.  I just have to see him for a consultation. A $300 consultation. Did I mention how expensive this is?  My anxiety has already started.  

It’s expensive, but I don’t want to think about that. We both truly are meant to be parents and will be the best parents we can ever be!  

Then there is this thing that fertility drugs and treatments do to our body, minds and spirit. And how to get through it all. It has taken a toll on me. For almost 20 years I have been let down, depressed, gained weight. Watched so so many other women get pregnant and have their babies and become wonderful parents. Through the agony and envy of it all, I am still here. Without a child to hold, love and raise into an amazing human being. I feel, still, like I haven’t been able to start my life. Like I am still waiting. I have been to therapy, and I have read books like “The Secret” and all of the many books similar to it. To try to envision my child here. I won’t say it didn’t work because my life isn’t over yet. 

I will say that it has been a battle. Every single day I think about it. Being a mom. Every single day I am reminded that I am not. 

I am truly grateful for everything that I have, everything that I am. I have the most amazing man I could ask for. Two amazing dogs whom I love like children!!  🐶🐶 I have an incredible family, amazing friends and a job with incredible bosses and co-workers. I have been there for 19 years and feel like I am successful and blessed in so many ways. Except in being a Mom. 

Well, I did email the fertility specialist after reading thoroughly about in vitro, surrogacy and the process on their website. That’s when I learned about the consultation fee. They emailed me and asked me to fill out a bunch of paper work and pay the fee and I can have an appointment. 🤞

Thank you for reading!