A Roller Coaster of Emotions

Hello! We have exciting news to share. We have 3 healthy, normal embryos. Well, the confidence levels from the place that did the biopsies say they are confident that all 3 are normal. 2 of them have a higher confidence level than the other.

Getting the call from the Dr to let me know that we had 3 healthy embryos was a bit shocking. I was happy, of course. But I was also in shock for most of the day. We had 12 frozen embryos, 12. And out of the 12, only 3 were normal. 9 were abnormal. 9! Out of the 9, 2 of them had the down syndrome chromosome. And the rest either had too many chromosomes or not enough. If we didn’t do the testing, I could have had 9 miscarriages. That’s what happens typically when women have miscarriages. There were not enough or too many chromosomes. The 3 normal embryos each have the right number of chromosomes 👶👶👶. Thank god!

We did find out the sexes of each embryo. Which is very exciting. Jay didn’t want to know what they were. But, I did and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it from him. Especially once I became pregnant. I would be buying baby girl clothes right away and painting her room pink.. or lavender.. or something feminine! Yes, 2 of them are girls and 1 of them is a boy. The boy is the last resort. To re-explain the difference between the girls and boy is really hard. I had a call with Natera, the company that did the biopsies. The woman said the boy would be a normal baby, but something with the sex chromosome didn’t come out completely reliable. And she said that could be because the sample they have to work with is so little that it could be anything. But, the confidence level was 80% that it would be a healthy baby. And, the dr said with these type of results he has seen healthy babies come out of it. But, still, since we have 3-he suggested that one be the last resort.

Of course, all day, I knew this and Jay didn’t. He knew about the 3 embryos and that 2 were more favorable than the 3rd – but he didn’t know the sexes. He didn’t want to know. I felt bad all day, I originally thought I wanted a boy and girl and try for them at the same time. That’s when we had so many. I really truly didn’t think we’d only end up with 3. I mean, again I am so thankful, but it was a shock. I felt bad that Jay wouldn’t get his son, I wanted a son too. And, of course, if we would have had children naturally there is no way we would have even been able to select the gender. So, why was I feeling this way?! Selfish I guess.

Science is amazing. I have underestimated Science my entire life! I am so much more thankful for it now than ever. And thankful for all the people out there who are interested in it and make it their careers! Thank you! 😃

So… that night after I found out the sexes of the embryos I was trying to figure out how to tell Jay since he didn’t want me to. Lol. He loves cake, so I decided to bake one and then write on the cake with pink and blue icing what they were. I baked it and then went to go ice it. I didn’t wait until it was completely cooled and it crumbled every where. But it was tasty and did what I needed it to do. Lol (don’t judge, I’ve attached a photo of it) 😜 He was fine. He actually guessed the sexes before he saw the cake and he guessed the boy was the last resort. I couldn’t believe it. . I’m sure deep down he was a little upset, but he just wants a healthy baby, and he will be an amazing father to that child no matter what the gender!

On Tuesday I had a doctors appointment for a biopsy of the endometrium lining and an HSG, which checks the uterus, and checks for scar tissue, fibroids, polyps, anything out of the norm. Everything seemed to be fine. While I was having the procedure the doctor mentioned an ERA test. ERA stands for Endometrial Receptivity Analysis. Basically, what they do is take a sample of the endometrium lining (similar to what they did today) and then send it out to this company and they will test it to tell them the perfect day to do the transfer for a higher success rate. When the doc was explaining it, he said because of how long I have been trying to have a baby, he wanted to mention that test to me. I lost it. I didn’t know why I was crying at the time. The Dr was surprised too. He asked why, and I didn’t know. The nurse said it’s because of all the hormones. That made sense. He said he didn’t want to sway me either way. He did say they usually suggest it to couples with only 1 embryo or couples who have already had a failed IVF cycle. We were so close, but that this test would prolong the process for a couple more months. I didn’t want to prolong it. But, in my head the dr is now not as confident as he had been portraying himself to be this entire time. That was my perception and that’s why I got so upset. The test costs $2500. And then when I was checking out, the frozen embryo transfer is going to cost us another $3800. We thought we had already paid for this ahead of time. (But after looking over the paperwork, it does show a separate charge, although we didn’t understand it at the time). It is all so overwhelming. I couldn’t keep it together. I was supposed to go to work after the appointment, but I couldn’t. I felt lost, hopeless again. We knew this was going to be expensive, we planned to spend a lot of money. I of course looked over the tons of pages of documents we signed that we got when we first paid the office after I got home today. And, it did explain that the frozen embryo transfer was not included in the original cost. But, in the beginning we didn’t know what any of that meant. I didn’t understand that the transfer was going to be a month or so later after the egg retrieval. It was probably discussed in the first consultation we had. But a lot of things were discussed then.

I guess why I am explaining all of this is because If there truly are couples reading this either because they are going through IVF, or may go through IVF some day in the future. Ask all the questions you can. Bring a note pad-we can’t have our phones past the front desk- so don’t plan to use them. Maybe that is just this dr, i dont know but be prepared.

After taking the day, and sleeping for most of it because I couldn’t deal-plus I was cramping from the biopsy I needed the rest to try to help make me feel better. I was able to reflect. I was able to explain to Jay why I was so upset. I was able to speak clearly, lol. I wasn’t able to after I left the doctors office. I was sad because I assumed the dr was less confident. He wasn’t. But that was my perception. If he didn’t tell us about that test, we could have been super pissed that he kept it from us. He doesn’t know our financial circumstances, nor should he. He is doing his job. We didn’t ask all the questions we should have. We work so hard for our money, and I don’t want to let myself or anyone else down. It really is on my body now to accept the embryo. And, the cost is a little stressful. We do know it will all be worth it in the end.

So, to say the least my emotions have been a roller coaster this week. All over the place. Fertility drugs can do this to you. And honestly, I have been thinking I was getting away with it, that I haven’t been so emotional. But, I have. And it’s okay, this is a process and it isn’t easy. I count my blessings every day for what we do have and for how far we have been able to come. IVF isn’t for the weak. I think I’ve said that once or twice. I may have weak moments. But, I can, and will overcome. And we will be celebrating with a little girl in the next year! 🙏🤞🥰😍👶❤️🎂💕😭😂😬

We are not going to do the ERA test. I feel confident that we will be fine without it. We still don’t know when the embryo transfer will be. We have to find out the results of the biopsy first and then go from there. I am going to call the office today and ask my questions since I am much more clear headed today.

We still need the continued prayers, support, hopes, wishes – what ever you can do for us. We will return the favor. I promise!

Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!

It looks like a hot mess, but it was tasty! 👶👶👶